在腦海裡瘋狂波亂的所有傢伙,我把她們寫在這裡。
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20110124
美劇裡,為了慶祝節日、特別的日子,
經常會出門渡假、在飯店過夜等等,
但先在我腦海裡響起的,
都是「怎麼會有比家更放心的地方」--在你們擁有家的狀況下。
我想我是羨慕了。

也許這就是生活品質、富足的差別吧。
只要能夠安心的生活就好了,還沒到期望享受的地步。


雖然知道父母親所犯的錯,不是不能夠被原諒,
但是對我而言,卻還是太太太寂寞了,
又被爸爸否定的時候,
那一次,心裡響起一句話,
「我這輩子都不可能真正感到幸福了」,
完全符合現在人生的寫照。

我一直都很清楚我失去了什麼重要的東西。

讓我的心說出這句話的我,無論如何,
走到今天,
剩下的恨,遠遠多過愛。
我記得一次次,自己面無表情的落淚。
如果愛總是帶來傷害,那我寧可不要,
因為人不夠有智慧,選擇傷害的機率大的多。

離開家人,其實被懲罰的不是家人,而是我。
只有我才是真正在勉強的那個人。

很可惜我始終也沒有本事給自己一個安穩,
永遠找不到歸屬,
至少現在是。

雖然很想要靠自己更加的努力得到歸屬,
卻又擔心僅存的能量不夠長大。

在開始飛翔以前先找到依靠是狡猾的行為,
我只好一次次放棄,
對於來不及成長的我,只能向過去說抱歉,
謝謝所有關心我的人。

但我還是,永遠,
都無法接受讓我從小到大都感到如此寂寞的“家人”。

過年期間我選擇上班。

發表留言

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Chinese New Year soon~
and I am here by myself!

I choose to work over the Xmas Holiday too. I know my situation is very different to yours. however, I believe everyone need to live their own life.. can't really depend on others.

yeah.. I didn't know for those who don't go on holiday, will spend a day or two in an expensive hotel.

Most of People in Australia don't save, so it's not really becoz if they are rich or poor, they will still go on holiday anyway, and pay back on credit card debts.

I hope you find peace within in you eventually. I really do!

x x
ariel | URL | 2011/01/24/Mon 12:09 [編輯]
謝了、倩~
我總是深刻感覺到自己過去的愚蠢,
不過,無論如何都只能讓他們過去,然後在未來背負。

雖然偶爾聽過倩說自己的事,但究竟是啥狀況我也不是很清楚,
妳似乎也總是面臨一個人的情境。
希望妳也是啊,找到安穩幸福的所在~
蜜拉 | URL | 2011/01/25/Tue 01:13 [編輯]
:) I have become very independent ever since I moved to Melbourne.

When I arrived in Melbourne,I lived with friends, then found a sharing appartment with others, found jobs, bought a appartment with mum. I really think, a person only starting to grow up when they move out!

my dad and bro stay and work in Taiwan, my mum likes Melb too and she hates summer. So, she stays in Taiwan for 6 month in Winter and and comes over to stay with me for 6 months here in Winter again. It's all winter in her life ^O^ my parents just bought a new house in Taiwan, so mum is now busier in Taiwan.

So, now,, I am by myself every Xmas, New Year, my birthday, Chinese New year. It's not really a big deal to me. coz it's just like any other day~

Luckly, I have found a good interest, singing. so I'm pretty busy after work and on the weekend. I am in 2 choirs + 1 musical product + 2 private lessons a week + working full time.

I'm happy and busy~
eventhough I don't have many friends here (good/close friends) but I am constantly involved with people and music, things i Love doing.

I don't really want a boyfriend to be honest, i wouldn't have time for him, Becoz i really wanna go somewhere with singing. I am starting to do some solo pieces, it's very nerve racking but I'm sure i'll be fine.

Work is going fine, just a normal office job 9-5, nothing special. I actualy don't know what you do?

This is pretty much my life story, now you know! :)

I was planning to go back to Taiwan at the beginning of this year, but work is busy, couldn't go. I'll definitely contact you if i'm in Taiwan.

ok, your turn to tell me about your life story~.. :)

ariel xx
ariel | URL | 2011/01/25/Tue 08:39 [編輯]
哈哈~~那有什麼問題~不過我的人生更平凡無趣~~

如果倩回到台灣來、我保證不會像以前那樣、在台灣還坐錯車!!!
我一直記得我們約在西門町、
然後我坐錯車而遲到的事~>< Orz.....那次真的非常的抱歉啊!!
而且還有妳的長輩在><

看來妳現在全心投入興趣和事業中,希望可以從YouTube看見妳的活躍啊~
印象中墨爾本是在海灣附近、很具有某種風情的美麗地方,
一直一個人在那裡生活不知道又是怎麼樣的感覺,
希望妳還是有個溫暖的家、延續未來的生活。

最近台灣冷到不行、倩媽媽只愛冬天嗎?XD
我不怎麼愛啊、最怕冷了><(汗)

我在一間代理商公司工作,代理的商品是日本純鈦(TITANIUM)飾品,
在百貨公司做專櫃,最近有開始參與設計飾品的工作,
話說國三的時候,美術老師要保送我美術科、我被我爸罵了,
兜圈子的人生事件吶。
又是一道不得不背負的記憶。

對了、我的手機號碼這輩子只換過一次,
不曉得妳手中的還是不是我現在用的,
我的MSN也有換過,
回台灣一定要聯絡我啊!!!!~~~

MSN之前被盜帳號,一直亂發垃圾郵件、不得已把聯絡人全刪,
才搶回帳號,不過現在用的是另一個,
但舊的MSN帳號還是天天會看信,
punka@livemail.tw
這是現在用的喔~~
蜜拉 | URL | 2011/01/25/Tue 20:31 [編輯]
Ha... i can remember when we meet at西門町, it was a long long time ago .. I enjoyed spending time with you!. and don't worry, my aunty wanted to stay anyway!!!

oh! no wonder you bought a Titanium bracelet last time. it looks good, I will definitely go and check it out when i'm in TW :P I really don't know when I will go back tho.

I do remember your water colour painting was amazing!.. it would be so good if you continue with it!!... my art wasn't that good but I have a degree in art and design from University. haha... not much use, but i did enjoy my uni life. I am hoping to go back to school just for 1 year to study classical/opera singing.

I know I can always find you in your blog! :)
ariel | URL | 2011/01/28/Fri 09:23 [編輯]
哈哈哈~~我的確都在blog裡~但是昨天忙晚了就沒有><
不過一般我是每天都至少會看一遍、、

說到國中生活,我們就讀過的永中還真的是很久沒見了,
畢竟我也搬到台北市好久。

說到以前,還真是為過去感到扼腕,很多東西都沒有留住,
留下一堆遺憾。
雖說人就是這樣在成長,有了這些、以後才懂珍惜之類,
但是,
失去的東西依舊是再也回不來,
如果不敢說遺憾的話,就變成悲傷了。

要是回台灣、留言blog給我很ok吶~~
只是、是說回一趟台灣想必要花費很多金就是~~>_<
蜜拉 | URL | 2011/01/30/Sun 01:00 [編輯]

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